shadowhive

This week has felt pretty much a write off again which is annoying. (I didn’t even get to do the iconning of bunny Foolish I was supposed to, I just couldn’t be bothered opening the laptop.)

In large part it’s down to the fall out from mums stupid messing around, which resulted in me moving a bunch of stuff upstairs for safety, but it was draining and then led to me having a massive depression spiral which was so exhausting and took up the better part of the week so far.

Bleh.

As a result I didn’t chase up about the net like I was supposed to. However we did find out it wasn’t just us, a bunch of other people on the village also lost their net and they weren’t with talktalk. So I’m guessing it was some sort of local thing at a hub? I dunno, maybe they were performing maintenance but it would be nice to know.

I was going to start Ghost Trick, because I picked it up on Xbox, but because of the bleh feeling and tiredness I didn’t end up doing it. Nor have I done any Zelda. Instead I did start Inscryption, because I picked it up on sale the other week. Ima be honest, it’s gone ways I did honestly did not expect and I’m trying to think the last time a game has genuinely surprised me as much as this has. I’m now in act 3 (I think it’s the last) so I might finish it soon but damn.

I’ve also done some Genshin and im still in the prologue but I’m close to getting to level 18 (which has a prologue quest and is the level I need for the summer event). Because it has Zelda vibes I keep finds expecting to have the TOTK abilities but alas no (why do I remember ascend here but keep forgetting it exists in Tears?)

I also ended up watching some Pokémon twitch streams. They stream the series on Tuesday and Thursdays and now they’re on xyz, which I’ve not seen. I only put it on for something to watch but ended up watching most of Tuesdays eps (bar what I missed before starting) and watched all of yesterdays too) I’m pretty sure I’m invested now because I wanna know what’s going on.

Today I also finished season one of Spirit Box Radio which leaves more questions than answers but I’m definitely invested.

I considered seeing Spiderverse (either bussing there and walking back or walking both ways as it was a late showing) but decided not Tom in large part due to my mindset being pretty bad and not feeling up to it.

I found out I have enough money to get a something to try and improve my mood but I’ve become paralysed by indecision. There’s two things I want, one of which I’ve had my eye on for awhile, but there’s also been a code on one of the Who magazines to use on big finish audios (which I thought I’d missed but runs out at the end of the month), though I’m kinda indecisive on what of those to get too (even though it’s a small selection). Plus there’s prime day soon, as well as the Xbox summer sale) so should I wait to see what’s in that? (And I still need to order the dead by daylight comics)

I’m just so indecisive and can’t make any decision either way and… ugh.

I’m hoping this weekend is a bit better for my mindset. I wanna do Inscryption and Genshin some more, plus I wanna watch the third Mummy film and there’s twitchcon (though I dunno if there’s a stream but it’ll make sense if there is). Maybe I’ll do a June something later (I don’t think I’ll do sunshine challenge this year though)

Today feels like a locked post type beat, mainly causa annoying feels.

I might make a post about positives later (like the eso and qsmp streams yesterday and the Seapeekay youtooz coming today, and getting a reply from him!) but my mindset is again, odd today. (I also meant to reply to a bunch of things yesterday but…)

SoI woke this morning and just felt so bleh. The depression vibes just felt so strong and for what? It was so annoying and so draining.

I’m wondering if it’s in part due to the annoyances of recently. For the past week my body has decided to wake me up at 6 or earlier and then I’ve been unsble to settle. That hasn’t helped the last week when I’ve had early days outside and celebration streams so I’ve felt like I’ve had no time to rest. It’s just exhausting and bleh.

It has not been helped by mums nonsense Saturday and that unsettling, entitled dm on Sunday.

Plus the Nintendo store finally had the Zelda collectors edition… but only for people that registered interest. Cept they didn’t send the emails with links to people that had so I (and others) didn’t get it which is so annoying.

While yesterday did had good parts (especially getting the micro galaxy stuff) there was also annoying
*accidentally overspending at Morrisons cause I wasn’t keeping track (instead assuming it was under the limit I’d set when it clearly wasn’t)
*The whole Payzone debacle, which included me going to submit a complaint on their website only to find it was broken and then sending a dm to them when they suggested it but it not sending either
*Safari decided to lose tabs again (although this time kept one which is new)
*the internet acted up AGAIN last night while watching a stream (and has again today)

Ugh.

It didn’t help too that I had that walk to the nearest payzone which is down by the station so it’s now quite a walk.thankfully the weather has stayed ok so at least there was no rain. But still, it’s annoying and inconvenient.

I also had the thought I’ve not even looked at Uni while I was walking. I had meant to look into the courses for later in the year but I’ve not even checked. Maybe soon when I’m in a better mindset.

Now I’m bundled up, watching the Shoto stream and hoping my mindset will be a bit better today (and there’s taskmaster later)

Last night I ended up starting Lost In Random for a Xbox reward quest. I’d got it awhile ago on sale but never started it (the trailer interested me when I saw it). So far I did most of the intro section and I’m not sure what to think of it just yet. It’s kinda good but kinda…. I dunno exactly. But I like the ghost thing, it was cute.

I meant to start the Far sequel before it leaves game pass but I didn’t and I don’t think I will (I don’t think I can run through it in a few days, which is a shame). Ah well, I’d had it lingering for so long (I really need to stop just downloading game pass stuff and never even starting them).

Last night I put on the next of the Who audios on bbc sounds and it was a pretty good one. It was all about a bunch of sontarans which were pretty ballsy and trying to get in on the time war. Neither daleks nor Time Lords wanted them involved (even when they offered a hostage) but it didn’t stop them trying.

Today was the trip to Birmingham which I have mixed feelings about.

Mum did better than I thought with the day, managing to do more walking than expected, though she was wisely able to sit out the standing for the signing part (thanks hmv people for that!)

My new pod thing also ended up dying part way through the day which was odd.I thought the switch charger was charging it (it fits in the slot) so that’s a little… concerning. I’ll have to see if I can find the lead that was in the box to see if it’ll charge from that, if not… then I have to let Amazon know.

First stop was hmv to pick up the albums. I also got a Where’s Wookiee collectors box (that mum spotted for £1.99), the new Scream film, Venom Let There Be Carnage (neither of which I’ve seen) and the blu ray version of the matrix (which I still need to rewatch the trilogy of before the new one)

Next stop was Forbidden Planet where I was only aiming to get the new Doctor Who magazine special (of 1988 which is the silver anniversary season) which they had, but they also had a bunch of Doctor Who graphic novels for 99p so… I got a load. Despite having a bunch I’ve still not read, Oop. I also got a special funko of Boba Fett’s throne, with Fennec which was reduced too and looks pretty cool.

Then we went in a few other places too. To my surprise I got a fortnite tee and mini funko thing from Poundland (and new earphones cause the ones I used for watching streams died). I got an Omega figure and headset from Game (just in case I do decide to stream resident evil 4). And I got a Lego birds nest set from Lego (alas they didn’t have the lovebird set). Lego also had Bowser on display with the guitar on him which was so fun.

Then we had noms in McDonald’s which was ok (alas they didn’t have the galaxy caramel ice cream for some reason) before heading back for the signing. (And for that we go under the cut)

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On the way back home I saw the sunset in the distance which was pretty and I think I saw Jupiter and Venus in the sky (or maybe they were just bright stars, I’m not sure). And now I’m home and feel pretty wiped out so I might sleep soon after the lost symbol’s been on.

Tomorrow mum’s friend is coming which is… eh. I’ll stay up as long as I can cause she can be kinda loud (and I hope she doesn’t need me to go to town to pay money in or anything) and then there’s the Pokémon stream.

This is gonna end up being a brief post of relatively disjointed thoughts.

Good thing
*I read some of the Who magazine, about Robots Of Death and it does make me wanna watch it again. Maybe soon
*Had sushi yesterday though we had no soy sauce (I’m sure there is some) so I’ll have to pick some up for next time
*I won a Moon Bear from watching a Deliver Us Mars stream, which looks so cute
*I tried one of the games I won the other week, IIN a which seems pretty good, I did the first 9 levels on it
*I managed to go back on The Quarry and did chapter 3, though I lost the rotor arm so I dunno if the car could be fixed (it seems like that’s unavoidable though) and I did miss a big clue in the process
*The Dream Team mystery bag is in the uk so the delivery time of tomorrow seems likely

Bad thing
*Had a random Bad Feeling yesterday that wouldn’t go away
*It could be because of uni, it could be depression but I can’t tell
*Sleep last night was unsettled again, maybe because of said feeling
*Internet acted up recently so talktalk sent an engineer, but he just checked stuff outside after introducing himself and I haven’t seen him since (but the way he acted seemed dismissive)
*Laptop acted up when trying to open it up for uni assessment, so I had to restart it which was annoying
*I submitted uni assessment, the second part was completely incomprehensible so I just gave up on it (the last part was quite interesting to do though)
*I’m now 85% sure (maybe more) that I’m just gonna quit the course, it’s just a formality of letting the tutor though (he might try and talk me out of it, but I doubt it). Message will be sent in a few days so it doesn’t get missed due to the strikes.

Not much planned for the rest of the day (a mystery thing is coming that I dunno what it is) and there’s the usual tv later. I might watch The Web Planet like planned but it depends on my mindset. (Tomorrow I should be going to pick meds up but that depends on the weather)

First, thanks for all the nice comments on the last post, or was sweet

Halloween ended up being… well. I just wasn’t in the mood really.

I had intended to watch Trick R Treat as usual but I just, really wasn’t in the mindset. I did end up watching Ranboo’s spooky stream and later Eret’s (mostly due to their outfit). But yeah, my heart just wasn’t in it

(I fully intended to watch trick r treat over the last few days but that mood has persisted)

In fact the last few days I’ve just felt a mix of drained and hollowed out and just… exhausted. I just wanted to curl up and stay under blankets. Of course I couldn’t do that and I had to deal with people on both Tuesday and Wednesday which, ugh.

Tuesday food shop was meant to come and it did, but there had been substitutions that I knew I had to send back (mostly because the cost went up by about £20 at least). Some made sense, like the litter was changed to another type (albeit one three times the price, I sent one back, I would’ve sent both but mum was there as it came and just,.. ugh), one was ok (the cat food was switched to different flavours) and the bizarre. I’d put in a few reduced Halloween things (like Kipling cakes and such) and they sent… dog treats, overpriced mince pies and more dog treats. Like… who replaces pies with dog treats? It was just odd.

The rest of Tuesday didn’t have my focus all that much. I ended up going upstairs after the food shop and just laying in bed. (And later in the night there was a rare George stream)

It has felt though there has been an attempt by the universe to cheer me, in that Fall Guys have had Doctor Who bundles (I had enough showbucks for one, the fourth and fourteenth doctors) and Fortnite has a new Star Wars event and bundles (I’m working to get the Leia and Han bundle, which seems way better than the Luke one). And I have done a little cult of the lamb too, although it was annoying the game crashed mid run once.

Yesterday I had the opticians follow up and they seem to think everything is ok (I’m not sure, but then with all the stress it’s hard to tell) and they were able to tighten my glasses a bit because they’d been slipping. After that I went in the co-op and what did they have? The same things that got subbed out the shop and for the same price. Naturally I got some, though there was annoyance as my student card wouldn’t scan. (So I’ve had to get them to send a replacement but that was an ordeal). I also got a pumpkin from somewhere else which is good (i wanna use it for soup instead of carving).

When I got back I saw the pumpkin we had already got, which I’d meant to carve but hadn’t because of all the stress and tiredness…. And I realised it was already rotting. And if that isn’t the perfect metaphor for this Halloween I don’t know what is.

The rest of yesterday was watching Andor (good, but depressing), cult of the lamb (with the aforementioned crash) and then watching Ranboo’s birthday stream (though I lost focus part way through) and the start of Awesamdude’s subathon (which started with lore, which felt tricky to follow and seems to have set everything in a certain way which I suspect won’t be followed).

Today I’m just gonna rest a bit. I’m hoping to get in a writing mood but I don’t see that happening soon. I might game or watch something tonight but I dunno. It depends on my mood which has been… fluctuating between various depressive states.

Next week is the Set It Off gig, unless it gets postponed again (it seems this time it might actually happen). I’m hoping someone posts merch and they had that nice hoodie thing they had on the US tour. I’m hoping my excitement for them is sparked again by the video premiere tomorrow. (Though I’m kinda glad I didn’t get the violet when it was meant to be earlier in the year, I don’t feel the excitement for them is there enough for it). I’m also hoping the roadworks are finished because ugh, that was by the venue.

Admittedly I think something bad is going to happen either just before or just after it, because that’s how things have gone this past few months.

(And why did a Christmas card arrive today, it’s November 3rd)

I might split some of the weekend thoughts that was gonna be in this post, so a follow up might come later.

On Saturday afternoon I watched Hocus Pocus 2 which… I can’t quite place exactly how I feel about it. I’m gonna say there is some good things about it definitely, but it’s not as good as the original. I’m not gonna post too many other thoughts on it in case anyone else wants to see,

After that as watched the new episode of Lower Decks which was just so… ahh! Why? Because it was set on Deep Space 9, and seeing the station and so many of its locations was just so awesome. And there was both Quark and Kira too! That was so amazing to see them again. I hope they visit the station again and it was so great to see it get so much love.

I ended up watching a film on Shudder that night… which ended up being a film called Death Valley. Alas, it was pretty disappointing and I did consider just quitting it a few times. It felt like it tried to be Resident Evil (corporation experimenting on people, monsters that looked like Lickers) but it just didn’t get there.

Better things for spooky season was seeing some more treehouse of horror eps, which are always pretty fun. I watched v and VI last night.

I’ve done a little more on Dreamlight Valley and I’ve unlocked all the biomes of the valley now. It’s strange though cause the last two I unlocked both have homes for people, but neither are there. The sunlit plateau is obviously for Scar (who we know is coming soon). But I can’t place the one in the Forbidden Lands area. The house is shaped like a pumpkin, so does anyone know a Disney person that lives in a house like this? (Dreamlight is also such a time sink it’s easy to lose track of time with it).

This weekend ended up being Dream’s face reveal and the build up was so funny cause he face timed all his friends and they all said it was strange to finally see his face (and that he was handsome, hot, pretty… and Bad commenting on his jawline became a huge thing with him since he compared it to foolish). I still think the sweetest was Ranboo saying he’d seen his smile and then Dream saying he’d seen his too, He revealed his face last night, right before I went up, and he is kinda pretty but yeah, it is strange to see the voice coming from someone.

This morning I went with mum to get her covid jab. I mostly went so she didn’t go alone, especially since it’s quite a slog and it’s by the main road (and I was concerned in case she’d have a fall). On the way the post van saw us and stopped cause I had a package (nothing exciting just Star Wars books) and they handed it to us so I had to carry it all the way there and back.

To my surprise when we were checking in the guy took one look at me and mums walking stick and said I could qualify as mum’ carer and get the jab too. So I’ve ended up having that, as well as the flu jab for the first time (I’d never qualified before but the carer thing meant I did). So yeah, I definitely feel better having it, albeit I’m starting to feel tired now (hence why some of this post is brief)

It’s sadly ironic then, that I found out something when I came back.

I was checking a friend’s twitter and I went on their following list to look someone up…and then I saw someone I knew back from the LJ days has blocked me. I was really surprised by that. I think it must’ve happened after we last spoke. I hadn’t really talked to them in awhile, we’d drifted a bit but I’d seen they started posting anti-vac things especially on their Facebook. Out of nowhere they asked if everything was ok with us, and I said I was a bit concerned about those things but because of the time (they live in NZ so the time difference is pretty big) I was too tired to really debate or anything and I just thought they’d realised I’d been tired and dropped it. That was… awhile ago and I’d honestly not thought to check, especially with everything else happening.

And now I feel… I dunno how to feel. I should have realised sooner, but as it is… I dunno. I feel for her, because one of the reasons she’s anti-vac was because she was one of the people that the vaccine effected really badly but also… I dunno. It just makes me feel a bit… bleh. And sad. Because I had considered her a friend back then and we’d just...lost touch.

Eh. I’m gonna rest now, have noms and then watch Frozen Planet from last night.

So after the last past I was starting to feel… good. I’d got uni sorted, I’d been to Insomnia and I felt like things were getting a little better.

The plan for the weekend was this:
Saturday
*Splatoon Splatfest
*Washer coming
*Rest
*Superman and Lois
*Hopefully watch Kingsglaive

Sunday
*read some of the fic tabs I have open
*start work on character sheets
*Two Towers Extended edition
*watch that new detective thing

Of course, things went wrong. (Ranting ahoy)

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Yesterday was meant to be a lazy day, but mums friend wanted something ordering so… I ended up being sent to town which was exhausting. The bridge into town is having roadworks on/around it, which means the bus (which I took cause mums friend had a day saver) went the long way.

(Said roadworks also means I can’t just walk to or from the cinema which, along with the late times, rules out seeing Venom)

I got some things from Iceland and home bargains (which mum sent me for), as well as hair dye (cause the lot I got last time went awol) and the Doctor Who chronicles that I couldn’t find anywhere else from Smiths (it’s pretty good and makes me wish season 20 was out already).

Talktalk have changed tac now and they’re sending a new router which… I mean at least it’s free? I hope it helps but it’ll be annoying having to have to redo all the logins on everything.

The rest of the night was tiring though Taskmaster was fun as always.

I ended up not being able to settle so watched Jawn’s stream… which went on till about 5ish so ugh.

I mean I’ve been exhausted, low energy and highly depressed anyway, but a late night didn’t help those things. Ah well.

I woke and found that Bullet are doing a signing for their new album in Birmingham, I’m not sure if I go, I’ll have to ponder. I went to a signing for the last one, Gravity, which was about three years ago now, the album actually gave me so many feels that year, because that’s the year everything went so wrong and the songs seem to capture that. I’ve got mixed things of the songs for the new one so far so I guess we’ll see. I guess it depends on timings.

The main thing today has been the new Animal Crossing update which… all the lead up stuff was focussed on it being about Brewster, but the length of the direct was meant to be 20 minutes so I doubted it would just be him.

There’s actually been a lot added to it (and I’ve likely missed some stuff)
*the roost and Brewster added to the museum, with an option to invite amiibo there (and Isabelle sometimes comes!)
*Kapp’n is back with mystery island visits
*Farming, with cooking diys
*Gyroids are back!
*Harv’s island is being made useful with the addition of a marketplace type thing, including Tortimer, Harriet and Katrina
*New items in the shop/nooks
*Huge storage expansion!

But there’s also a paid expansion too, which is essentially happy home designer 2
*Set on an archipelago
*Can design homes for villagers
*people from your island can have a holiday home
*new items on a shop
*Being able to design facilities (hospital, school, restaurant etc)
*The ability to take stuff you learn from there home
*being able to redesign villagers homes on your own island!

Apparently these are the last updates for it (at least the last free ones) which is a shame though I suspect there’s also gonna be some stuff they’ve not mentioned in there (I hope you can expand your home, add new villagers on your island and expand your island though I somehow doubt that). There’s also gonna be amiibo cards, which include new villagers (no word on if other special ones will show up too though it wouldn’t surprise me).

I’m so tired yet I can’t properly settle which is annoying, I might try and fic some in a bit, something I was gonna do last night, but we’ll see.

Halloween 2018 is on tonight but I doubt I’ll watch it because tiredness and I don’t think I’d be in the mood for it.

Next week is my birthday which, I’m semi looking forward to cause I know there’ll be some Lego and fics, but with the way my mood alphas been I’ll worry if depression related to it will hit me. I guess we’ll see.

Ok this post wasn’t as much two halves as I expected but ah well.

No June something in this post, maybe later. (Since I missed yesterday’s too.)

The weekend has been a bit blah for multiple reasons which I’ll cover in the post. The first, the weather. It’s been warm and sticky and bleh. And then it rained Saturday (including lighting) but it didn’t last alas.

One annoyance came from our neighbour who decided this weekend to take down the fence. The fence was fine as far as I could tell so I dunno why they took it down. The annoyance was that they didn’t tell us, so we had no idea until we looked out and three panels were down. That’s meant we couldn’t have the door open when it was warm and also that Naryu could only go outside on her lead (cause she’s so fast and would be gone). It was just so inconsiderate.

Saturday night I watched download but only for Funeral For A Friend. They played a few of their songs and had an interview with two of the boys. No word on if there’ll be more music or shows from them, but Darran looks just the same as in the performances from 06. It made me think about the friend that liked them that ditched me which made me a little sad but.,,

Then I put on the isle of wright festival highlights, which included Queen and Adam Lambert, they only played three songs but they were great and it made me wish there was more. After that I played Deliver Us The Moon some more and very clear what happened in it was no accident but part of a conspiracy. I intended to do more last night but... didn’t (more on that later). I was annoyed that one achievement was impossible so I missed out on it. Damn evil robot.

Sunday wasn’t a terribly exciting day. I was gonna put a film on in the afternoon but felt too drained to so I dozed instead.

It’s perhaps ironic that it’s the year that MCR was meant to return that it’s the year the fandom decided to eat itself, like some deranged ouroboros. It seems not a week goes by now that some form of drama is happening with it. Between the general harassing of creditors that’s also been there, to dredging up mistakes people made years ago (or even rumours of mistakes) to minors sneaking into the nsfw parts of fandom and complaining about it or just to call out people.

It’s just so tiring. I’m blocked, or have blocked, parts of the fandom on twitter but there’s still vague posts going around and it’s just... tiring to see other people get targeted. Honestly, and I’ve said it before, it’s making me sick of the MCR fandom and I’m pretty close to just abandoning it altogether apart from the ones I know and have stuck around. Can’t we go back to how things used to be? It’s just a tire fire now,

Anyway.

I called to sort today’s food shop but it’s gonna be tomorrow instead which..l I’m not too great at the routine being disrupted but... eh.

Last night after Batwoman I just... crashed. It’s hard to describe properly but part of my depression is that, sometimes, I‘ll just shut down for no real reason. I’ll just lay there and not want to do or watch anything. It’s... weird, and meds seem to keep it at bay though sometimes it still slips through.

And yeah, last night was one of those times.

After about an hour I managed to move myself to bed, where I lay for an unknown amount of time before sleeping.

(Which led to an odd dream about exams which made no sense because it was at a shopping center? Strange)

This morning I put on a magnus Archives and then went out with the pup. (Though mum was annoyed cause aforementioned neighbour left a bunching of mess in the garden by the fence, ugh) anyway, I’m gonna snuggle and watch stuff (and there’s a new Star Wars game trailer at 4)

Picard and other thoughts ahead

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