One step forward, two steps backward

[shadowhive]

So after the last past I was starting to feel… good. I’d got uni sorted, I’d been to Insomnia and I felt like things were getting a little better.

The plan for the weekend was this:
Saturday
*Splatoon Splatfest
*Washer coming
*Rest
*Superman and Lois
*Hopefully watch Kingsglaive

Sunday
*read some of the fic tabs I have open
*start work on character sheets
*Two Towers Extended edition
*watch that new detective thing

Of course, things went wrong. (Ranting ahoy)

The washer did come and was installed, despite them worrying about them getting it in (which they did). I figured everything would be fine, and I was just about to rest a bit when mum decided then was the perfect time to complain. And keep needling me and not stopping until I snapped.

She was moaning, mostly, about two things.

The first was what we watch on tv. She moaned that there wasn’t anything on last Saturday that she liked which… wasn’t my fault. Then she moaned about the things I watch, to which I counted that virtually everything we watch on tv, we watch together. (I counted four things that I solely watched and she didn’t) it was just so absurd to me.

This is a thing that tends to crop up every few months. I usually see a new thing on tv and put it on, thinking we can watch it together, then I get more invested in, she doesn’t and gets resentful which I don’t notice. Usually whatever it is is on pick or something, which means it’s on 5 days a week but also not on catch up. However there’s been nothing of mine like that on lately.

The annoying thing with this is I’d planned to watch some things with here this week: finally starting the Umbrella Academy season 3, Strange New Worlds (cause I used the Xbox code for paramount+, even though it doesn’t have an app for some reason) and Rings Of Power. But now? Now I don’t want to. He’ll I don’t even want to watch the things we DO watch together now.

Second was about the stuff downstairs. I made the mistake, as I always do, of telling her when uni was done with, I’d do stuff downstairs. My main ‘project’ was going to be move the stuff in front of where we sit to bring in a table we got a few months ago.

The problem has been that, because of the heatwave, and because of me not feeling well, I’ve not been able to do that. Which is reasonable, because it has been too hot to do anything. I’d also told her this wouldn’t be a thing that could be done in one day, that it had to be done in bits which, at the time, she understood.

I had started to move some of the stuff, but, of course, she complained about where I’d put it, despite knowing it was temporary. My plan was, now it had started to cool, to finally move the rest of the stuff and bring the table in this week.

But of course she kept needling, and needling me about it. Her main argument being that she could do stuff so I should be able to (forgetting, as always that it’s not that easy with my mental health and that I hate doing stuff with her there watching and critiquing the whole time).

I ended up snapping. Although I was tired and exhausted and not up to doing it, I started moving the rest of the things and bringing it in. She went out of the way and was no help at all. And after I bought it in I was sweaty and tired and headed up to bed, where I have stayed… pretty much since then.

She’s still managed to complain about it. That it’s not in the right place or something, so I’ve just…. Given up.

The whole thing has completely destroyed the improved mood I was having and now I just feel… numb.

I tried explaining that to her today but she doesn’t seem to care, hence me staying up here today. (Which has been annoying).

So I’ve not done any of the things I had planned and I just feel… ugh.

I did watch YouTube’s thing on Saturday which was fun, and watched some of the banter eps and a few other things but largely? I feel so ugh.

I’m gonna head done now she’s gone to bed. Annoyingly I’ve missed on of the twilight zone eps (and it sounded like the better of the two) and after that… I dunno. I just feel so…

Comments

[sourgreen]

I know u told me about this after it happened but I didn’t know all the details and I have to say that she’s being horribly unfair. I understand that she wants work to get done around the house but there’s no need to be so… negative about it. Im sure you would do the chores once it cools down and you gain some more energy.

And the tv thing is just kinda wtf 😭 don’t u watch like twitch and stuff on ur iPad without bothering her? It’s not like you’re out here forcing her to watch ranboo or whatever. If she doesn’t like what’s on tv she should make a suggestion on what u guys can watch together without complaining and making it such a big deal.

I’m sorry u have had to put up with this :( *gives u a giant hug* I really hope things get better. I’m here for u

[shadowhive]

Yeah it’s just so… ugh. I’ve tried to explain to her that just gathering the motivation to do things is a struggle sometimes, and that I prefer to do things without her breathing down my neck (which is only one day a week… which is also the same day food shop comes every other week). She knows the heat wave has been too overwhelming, but because she could do things she expects everyone else can too. Ugh.

Yeah a lot of the time I end up watching streams on the pad. The only things right now I do watch on tv were the Simpsons (half an hour every weekday, hardly a struggle) the blacklist (which we started watching together but she lost interest in), the twilight zone and superman and Lois (which annoyed me cause it’s two eps a week and I’d prefer if it was just one). Everything else that’s one is stuff she watches, or stuff we like watching together.

I dunno why she was complaining about last Saturday, because her friend was here in the morning, and I had to go to town as a result and then I was mostly focussed on watching mcc that night anyway.

It’s so exhausting, I hate that she gets like this but this time is even less sense than usual. *hides under blankies*

[yarnofariadne]

I'm so sorry *hugs* ♥

[shadowhive]

Thanks *hugs*

[waterfall8484]

That sounds really frustrating! I would react exactly the same as you did, nagging makes me really contrary. It's a shame that she doesn't seem to understand how difficult it is for you, some people just can't imagine that others are built differently.

[shadowhive]

It really was! Nagging like that gets to me too, but even more so cause I was already tired and such, it’s just ughh

Sometimes she does seem to understand but times like this… she just doesn’t and it’s so tiring.

[waterfall8484]

Yeah, I can totally see that. You should be able to feel comfortable in your own home.

(On a completely unrelated note, I love your icon XD)

[shadowhive]

Yeah absolutely!🖤

Foolish is so pretty! Especially now with his long hair that I really need an icon of

[waterfall8484]

I haven't seen the long hair, I only know who these people are from MCC and tumblr clips so I'm never up to date. I have managed to notice that Eret is more my type though :D

[shadowhive]

It’s very pretty, you can see it in his latest thrust trap post! Awww I need to learn who some of the other MCC people are too!

Oh Eret is so so pretty! They recently did a photo shoot and shown some pics on stream and just… unfff

[turlough]

*hugs you alot*

[shadowhive]

*hugs so many*

[turps]

I'm sorry, that sounds like a lot to deal with when you're not feeling your best.

[shadowhive]

Thanks, yeah it really was especially since I was so tired

Things seem better now but it was still so… ugh

[dreamersdare]

I don't think people often understand the extent to which they can effect our emotional state. I'm sorry it's been rough with your mum, hon; I hope things have settled down/improved some now.

[shadowhive]

Yeah I definitely agree with that. Sometimes no matter how many times you explain it to them it doesn’t stick.*hugs* it’s mostly settled no but it’s still… ugh that it happened. Thanks