shadowhive

So good news: the most of the sickness is over, I’m starting to feel more like myself and am getting better sleep.

However my anxiety levels are still high due to the call tomorrow, not helped by the constant bombardment of bad news on twitter (and the constant ableist rhetoric that this government keeps peddling).

Then this morning I had a call. For a moment I thought it was about tomorrow’s appointment, to either cancel or do it early but no. It was about the thing on my back.

When they removed it they said they’d send it off for a biopsy and I’d get the results in about six weeks. I expected it to come in the form of a letter or something but no, they want me to have a follow up appointment about it. Which already is kinda worrying, but you know what’s more worrying?

That they were so insistant I have it tomorrow.

Yep so as well as having a phone call appointment I’ve already been stressed over I now have this in the afternoon. But it doesn’t end there. It’s not in the hospital in town I went to for the removal, it’s in another place, somewhere I’ve never been. Having an appointment is stressful enough it’s even worse being at a new place.

Both of these things are things to stress over so to have them both happen on the same day (and meaning I won’t have any time to decompress after the call) is just… ugh.

I don’t think I’ll be able to settle at all tonight, which won’t help either.

Mum’s been to the town it is (it’s only 8 minutes on the train, in a different direction to how I usually go) and she says there’s stuff there to do in an attempt to calm me which kinda missed the point. (Though I should be able to get the Who magazine I’m missing and SFX) but I just feel like a bundle of anxiety. (Even more than usual)

It also means my plans for Friday, which were already tentative, to see Smile 2 are scuppered cause there’s no way I’d have the energy to actually go with tomorrow being so stressful. (Which sucks, but then there’s meant to be bad weather so… I dunno if I’d have been able to anyway.)

But yeah I’m exhausted and stress and need to find distractions. Please send good vibes and hope I’m stressing over nothing.