shadowhive | Sunshine challenge 7

So it’s the last sunshine challenge prompt already! It seems time has gone so fast. It’s been fun to do and I think I’ll miss it.

The last one is about what do we like about ourselves.

To be honest, I don’t really like these sort of questions. I’ve never been much of a self lover (no sniggering Heather!) and that’s probably come from the mess of my life. I was bullied as a kid, even before I came out. I was shy and quiet, so I found it hard to make friends. I’m bad at social things too and tend to just keep to myself. If it wasn’t for the internet I don’t think I’d have anyone. (You may think I’m kidding, but I have zero friends here. The closest I have are those I see at the streetpass meets.) As such I’ve spent a big chunk of my life isolated and I spent a portion helping mum care for my grandparents, which was... draining.

I guess you could say what I love about myself is that, somehow, I’ve managed to survive this long. Bullying didn’t kill me, depression didn’t, being fucked over by people I care about didn’t, seeing the member of my family I loved most look at me like a stranger didn’t... so I guess that.

I dunno though. *shrugs*

***

Sunshine has been good though. It’s been fun and anyone that wants to can follow me.

***

General post stuff now.

I’ve watched some of the Who special features from the first disc and it’s pretty good. There’s just one more main thing which I might watch tonight.

The weather has been a bitch. Too sunny and warm. It feels like I’m melting and I have no focus to write which is annoying. There was a storm Tuesday night, complete with lightning but it didn’t clear the air like I hoped.

I finished the first Doom patrol volume of Gerard’s run yesterday and it’s... I’m glad I read it in one go, because I think I understood it better, though it’s still a bit crazy (I guess going in clueless didn’t help). I’m gonna try and read the second volume later in hopes some more things will get explained. (like the weird girl and the cat)

I ended up sleeping early last night which was annoying.

I’ve still been on Stardew a lot. I’m almost at winter now and I’m gonna unlock the quarry then which should help level up mining. The mine has become too hard which is frustrating and I can’t seem to find out what to do to make it easier. Still I love Sebastian and he’s over 8 hearts now. And I have an extra chicken to live with Gerard.

<>I’m gonna try and sort new icons when mum’s at the library. Lucifer, Frank in drag, glasses Gerard and aWho icon. I know what I’m gonna lose too. The solo Eicca one and the Nachtblut ones (as much as I love them, I’m not gonna write them anymore so...)

Edit to add: turns out I didn’t need to edit any, there was an icon slot increase and I didn’t realise oops.

Saturday is meant to be the Streetpass meet in Birmingham but I’m not sure about going. It’s a mix of the heat, lack of money and the fact I’ve not got the game that’s the focus. We’ll see though.

Lastly I still have this meme if you wanna leave me guys for it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I struggle with the "say something nice about yourself" prompts because we have a strong cultural bias that people who "brag" about themselves are arrogant and need to be taken down a notch. Like if I say, "I write funny stories," people will be thinking, "They're not that funny." And if I say, "I draw cool art," people will be thinking, "I've seen better." Or if I even say, "I'm a nice person and a good listener," someone will be thinking, "I dunno, I've seen you be kinda bitchy and self-centered." I'm still mentally editing my response to this post because I want to try and keep it positive when I've still got all these nagging thoughts in my head telling myself I'm not good enough.

I absolutely hear you on the isolation. I'm incredibly lucky at the moment as I have a couple of friends who live in town. And one of them in particular is very social and will take the initiative to make the plans for us. (Tomorrow, we're going to the theater to see a play.) But I lived for ten years in a town where I didn't know anyone beyond family and coworkers and then my family (my mother and my aunt) moved away. So my only "friends" were coworkers who were ultra conservative (they were nice on the outside, but my boss would occasionally drop a homophobic joke or political comment that would freak me out, so not the kind of people I wanted to socialize with outside of work) and friends of my aunt who were polite but also kind of made it clear that they didn't think of me as more than an acquaintance. Once, when my depression was particularly bad, I was trying to reach out to one of these acquaintances (who I thought was a friend at that point) and she honestly dismissed me with, "That sounds like something you should talk to your friends about." And during this same period of time, I was without Internet for large stretches of time because I was scrambling to pay off my student loans and other debts and Internet access seemed like a frivolous expense. In hindsight, I think it would have been worth staying in debt a bit longer to maintain those connections.

Oh yeah, you’re absolutely right there. That’s definitely my kind of thinking as well. It’s definitely an issue

That’s good. The theater sounds fun. I’m sorry you had to deal with people like that at work *hugs* I only really talk to my mum and the people we see while walking Naryu. That really sounds awful. That’s the worst, opening up to someone you see as a friend only for them to say something like that

*all the hugs*

Perseverance is a wonderful quality, even if it often is honed from a plethora of trying times (and therefore likely associated with negative feelings). You’ve suffered, but you’ve also persevered, and your spirit is stronger because of what you’ve had to fight against. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. :)

Thanks. And yeah, you’re right, it’s the result of going through bad things that gives it a negative association. You’re so sweet for saying that, thank you

Resilience is definitely a good quality to have and it sounds like you've got it in spaces. I'm sorry things have been bad for you, but without sounding too pollyanna-ish it sounds like it's given you a lot of tools to survive, even if it would have been nice not to need them quite so much.

I hear you on the isolation. Although its only recently that I've started to reach out to people online, previously prefering to lurk, knowing that there were people out there liking the same thing, and dealing with things made times when there weren't people physically there somewhat easier.

Thanks🖤 I dunno what Pollyanna ish means but I guess you’re right, though I don’t feel like much of a survivor at times. I almost lost it last year, when so many things went wrong that I ended up just isolating myself.... but I’m glad that’s over now.

Yeah I feel that. I’m trying to do better at reaching out to people now and it makes me feel less alone. You’re welcome to add me here if you’d like!

I’m proud of you for persevering, love... and I’m sorry to say that yes, I did giggle just a bit! You know me so well! I’m honored to count you amongst my closest friends... that makes it a solid 2 now! Hopefully you won’t resent me bringing you out into the world a bit... just remember it’s an adventure and I’ll be there to hold your hand when things get to be too much... I love you always, dearheart🖤

I knew you would, you little perv! Aww me too love, I’m glad we found each other! Eep the world! I suppose it’s ok if it’s not as hot as it is now...

*cuddles up to you*

Being a survivor is an accomplishment.

Thanks!🖤

"I'm still here, you fuckers" is a worthy battle cry to have.

Oh yeah, it definitely is! 🖤

I guess you could say what I love about myself is that, somehow, I’ve managed to survive this long.

And that's a fantastic thing to love. You're obviously resilient and have got through some horrible situations, that's something you should be proud of.

I hope the heat broke where you are today, too. While I wouldn't normally, I'm enjoying this grey, rainy day.

Thanks🖤

Yeah it did here, it’s been so nice and rainy which we’ve needed

I don't have irl friends either. My close family instead and that for reasons has been difficult on and off this past year. Even the couple of friends I do know live far away so I only interact sometimes with them online. It can be hard. I've been bullied but also very much ignored, didn't fit in with my peers so the internet has been a big boon.

Sunshine has been great, and you're one of the few to complete all the days. I've been doing them late and then going through other replies and it's been a bit sad to see how everyone was eager for prompt 1 but there's only a single page of entries for this last prompt. So kudos for completing the challenge too :)

*hugs you* That’s awful, I’ve been there so I know how that all feels. I’ve never fit in much, so the net is great at getting me interacting with likeminded and awesome people out there

Yeah it really is! I’m surprised by that actually. That’s a shame, but I’m glad you did it 🖤

Sunshine challenge 7

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